Gymnastics, ice skating, ballet, piano, sailing, tennis, skiing, golf, soccer, basketball…this is just a partial cumulative list of the activities in which my three kids have participated over the years. Clearly they are very lucky - they have had the opportunity to try out a lot of sports and activities. However, in more than a few cases their interest ultimately waned or occasionally, they struggled to finish out their commitment. They started out the lesson, or team, coming on like gangbusters, and by then end I am facing tears, coaxing and sometimes bribing them to finish.
An example: my 6th grader daughter has played soccer since she was 4 (do we start everything too young these days? I think yes but more on that point later). She always loved it and when she turned 10 she was able to try out for the local travel soccer team. She made the team and the first year had a great experience -she became friends with girls from all different schools, she enjoyed playing and being part of a team, and all was well. She made the team again the second year and about a third of the way through the season the tears started. Her complaints? She didn’t want to go. She wasn’t any good. Everyone was better than her. The coach didn’t like her. We tried everything. Many discussions ensued on how she was a good player and an asset to her team. We were honest - she was not the star of the team, but a strong player. Not everyone is the best on the team, we explained, but every player is important. When it came to the coach, we told her it was his job to occasionally yell if the girls were goofing around and not paying attention, and she wasn’t always going to love every teacher or coach she had. That’s life. Nothing worked and she finished out the season, but it was painful. She is done with travel soccer.
I don’t think I am alone when it comes to parents signing their kids up for various activities - many at a young age. My kids are by no means over-scheduled, and they start each activity willingly. I try to see the gymnastics/skating/ballet/soccer/skating/tennis lessons our oldest participated in before the age of 5 as a way for her to try out these sports and see what she liked. But did she burn out too early? Should I let my kids drop out of activities when the tide turns and they lose interest? My husband and I firmly believe they should finish what they started, but some of our friends think we are too harsh and should give our kids a break.
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I think a lot of it has to do with how times have changed for kids and families. When I was growing up, sports and other activities were school-based and you simply stayed after school and threw on a soccer jersey. Kids typically weren’t signed up for hockey at age 2, parents at least waited until elementary school to get kids involved in organized sports. Today, I have heard of 4 years olds already burned out from hockey. It was not the kid-centric world we live in today. Kids played outside in their neighborhoods more so there was no need to occupy them after school. Kids fit into their parents schedule, and not vice versa.
What do you think? Are my kids quitters, or trying activities out? One fact we have established for sure, no budding Tiger Woods or Chris Everts at our house.
Plan B Mom is a mostly-stay-at-home mom of 3 who works from home but sees her main job as managing her family. When she is not taking care of her 11-year old and 9-year old girls, 8- year old son, two yellow labs, and husband - she is baking, running, carpooling, or helping with homework. She tries to stay organized to keep life running smoothly - or at least catastrophies at bay. Follow her on Twitter at @PlanBMom.
01.11.12 @ 7:56 am
not being a regular on rachael’s site (ordering gift for my wife), i was moved enough to comment on your concerns and maybe offer some advice without being critical. first, i would agree with your statement about growing up, out & about in my neighborhood, playing every sport imaginable with my friends, basically only coming home to check in, eat ,& sleep. times have changed a bit, but i encourage my children…i am a 35yr old man, married for 12yrs, and have 2 kids, 2 dogs, & a cat…..to go out and play activities with their friends,discouraging them from just tv & video games, & showing them, as well as their friends, the games and sports we played as kids….i grew up in a small neighborhood in philadelphia, coming from a middle class, blue collar family….whether it was halfies, step ball, wire ball, street hockey, soccer, etc. or kick-the-can, spring, flashlight tag, or any other game we could think of, i try to show, & sometimes play with, my kids to use their imagination a bit and maybe let them run their “own league” amongst themselves with good ol’ fashion paper and pencil for standings. as far as the organized sports and activities, me and my wife are very supportive of everything our kids do, of everything they want to do, trying to afford them the opportunities me and my wife didn’t have, but we limit the amount of activities for the season, letting them make the decisions as far as what will be played and when, eg. soccer or football in the fall , baseball or lacross in the spring, coupled with band or some other school related activity, not a sport. if they play baseball, great, but lacross will be played at home amongst friends when they have time, school work 1st, baseball next, then their leisure activity, followed lastly by their home friends. i personally think, that by age 10 they should know what they really want to play / do, and me as a parent should see where the excel, throwing my full support and encouragement for them to continue, and where they lack in skill, not discourage, but pinpoint the pros and cons. parenting is hard work, and if you’re like me, always second guessing your decisions when it comes to what you want for your kids, i find that if you give them options with limitations, they pretty much figure it themselves, knowing the consequences of their actions / decisions will be on themselves. casepoint…if you quit soccer mid season, thats it for this season, no other opportunities are afforded, organizational wise, and now the housework (chores) will take precedence to the neighborhood friend activities….are they dishes done -put away, have been the recyclables been taken care of is the play room / bedroom clean, etc. not that my kids don’t help around the house, they do very well, but when involved in activities i let chores slide a bit and pick up the slack myself. i hope this helped, and did not sound condescending. to sum it up, opportunities with limitations, options, and definate consequences, seems to get kids (6-10 yrs) to think a little bit about whats important to them, make some decisions, then look to mom and/or dad for a “little” guidance, making them feel like they did all by themselves……then telling their neighborhood friends i’m doing what i want …LOL
good luck, i don’t think your kids are quitters, maybe just a bit overwhelmed
01.11.12 @ 8:39 am
i guess i should also tell you that my kids are 7yrs and 12yrs, with my 12 yr old solely involved with baseball, having tried football, hockey, and lacross as well as soccer, he just enjoyed baseball more…he asked at 10yrs if he could do just baseball, and i push him a little more to be his best with that notion in mind…batting cages 2-3x per week, through the ball around, fun little hand-eye drills etc., and does school band (saxaphone) 2x per week as well. my 7yr old is into soccer and baseball, but i see him leaning towards the soccer more with the opportunities and results he sees as important to him …the running, the amount of contact / aggresiveness he can have, and the amount of interaction with other players…he is very vocal and foward while my oldest is pretty much soft spoken laid back, going with the flow a bit….and that was what some of the pros and cons were when we talked about how involved our kids would be. again i hope this eased your mind a bit, i wouldn’t worry too much, and hopefully helped in some strange, good way
01.11.12 @ 10:14 am
@jerry - thank you for your thoughtful answer! i appreciate your advice - you sound like a great dad.
01.12.12 @ 8:49 am
I am a mom of 3 active kids, 13, 10 & 6 yrs old. My kids have tried everything. I have noticed about the age 10, 5 or 6th grade that their interests changes somewhat, especially girls. It depends who their friends are and who are they in class with spending most of the day with. I would keep encouraging your kids to keep in at least one sport per season. I also commend you on making your kids finish what they start, we do as well. Some sports you can play year round, which would mean only committing to one activity. I have noticed that my kids are more well rounded, do better in school and socially than some of our friends’ kids who have dropped out of sports and activities. We have learned over the years that it is okay to take a weekend or holiday off to be with friends, family or travel. It is important to balance hard work (being in a sport) and down time so they and us don’t feel overwhelmed.