Rachael Ray

My 6th grader daughter (turning 12 in May) spends plenty of time on the family computer visiting YouTube and using the Photo Booth program. She has not yet asked to get on Facebook (she must know what the answer would be) but I have heard that some of her classmates are. They also have cell phones, which she knows better than to ask for as well, but I started wondering, if she did ask, what would the acceptable age be for her to get on Facebook. Never? In my dreams. Facebook seems to me to be yet another tool for kids to hurt each other and get into trouble.

According to Facebook, the minimum age is 13. Tools are put in place on the site for kids ages 13-17 to have a more protected experience. However, most kids I know are way more tech savvy than me and I am sure can probably find their way around the restrictions. I think when the time comes for my daughter to get on Facebook, the most important thing will be to talk to her very openly and honestly about her behavior on Facebook and how it should be no different that the way she behaves offline - kind, considerate to others, respectful. At least that’s the goal.

I read a great interview in the New York Times with social media expert Danah Boyd who actually defends Facebook and other sites as a way for kids to explore and congregate - Cracking Teenagers’ Online Codes. An excerpt from the article about Dr. Boyd:

“Children today, she said, are reacting online largely to social changes that have taken place off line.

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“Children’s ability to roam has basically been destroyed,” Dr. Boyd said in her office at Microsoft, where a view of the Boston skyline is echoed in the towers of books on her shelves, desk and floor. “Letting your child out to bike around the neighborhood is seen as terrifying now, even though by all measures, life is safer for kids today.”

Children naturally congregate on social media sites for the relatively unsupervised conversations, flirtations, immature humor and social exchanges that are the normal stuff of teenage hanging-out, she said.

“We need to give kids the freedom to explore and experience things online that might actually help them,” she added. “What scares me is that we don’t want to look at the things that make us uncomfortable. So rather than see what teenagers are showing us online about bullying and suicide and the problems they’re dealing with and using that information to help them, we’re making ourselves blind to it.”

I believe what Dr. Boyd says - kids need to be able to explore, interact, and yes, they will get hurt. When I was a young teenager, I was the bully, and the bullied, and half the time my parents didn’t know because it happened at school and on the phone. It’s harder for parents today because thanks to Facebook, texts, and email, chances are we will witness our kids being hurt or hurting others first hand. Life was definitely simpler without technology, but time marches on, and there is no turning back. Being a parent is hard, which is why there are so many screwed up kids.

So what age do you think is an acceptable age for kids to have a Facebook account? Is 13 too young?