Emily Wyckoff

My Daughters’ Bedroom Dilemna – Parents, What would you do?

Disclaimer – If you are not a parent this is tedious post – please don’t fault me:-). We are currently experiencing a serious battle in our house and I am reminded again of how foolish I was to think the hard part of raising my three kids was the baby/toddler stage. Ha. As a quick reminder, my kids are 12 (daughter), soon-to-be 11 (daughter), and 9 (son). My two girls are complete opposites in nearly every way, yet still very close and basically best friends. We moved to a bigger house when I was pregnant with my younger daughter because we wanted our kids to have their own rooms. Another decision we made was to give our younger daughter the biggest (kid) bedroom, as she would be the middle child and I thought since the oldest usually got everything first, biggest, best, we would give her the best room (when I think about this, this was obviously my decision and my husband let me run with it. The logic may be somewhat flawed. ). The gods laughed again (for a while) as our girls have chosen to sleep together in my older daughter’s room (smaller) for the past 6 years. The mack-daddy room has remained pretty much unused, with the exception of sleepovers.

So the years pass, my girls are happily voluntarily sharing the cozy bedroom, and about three months ago my older daughter, who will be 13 in May, decided she wanted to sleep in her room on her own, and she also has been dying for a queen-sized bed. We decided for her 13th birthday she would get the new bed and essentially make it impossible for her sister to sleep with her, which is absolutely fine – she should have her own space if she wants it. My younger daughter abhors change but she had some warning so we thought all would be fine with the big switch. As we got closer, my younger daughter was getting more and more nervous, and finally articulated that she didn’t want to sleep in her own room because (among other reasons) it was too big and her sister’s room was cozier.

Last night we came up with the brainstorm of the girls switching bedrooms. My older soon-to-be teen daughter could have the big room with the new big bed, and my younger daughter could have the cozy room she was familiar with. Everyone is excited – my older daughter over the moon. Fast forward to bedtime last night, when my younger daughter, as she contemplates moving her things from her room and making the big change soon…..CHANGES HER MIND (I hate all caps but this decision warrants it).

My older daughter cried herself to sleep (her heart was set on the new luxurious room), my younger daughter is upset her sister is upset with her. My husband and I have said it is my younger daughter’s room, so she can decide to keep it, but in the back of my mind I think my older daughter really would appreciate the room more and I could force the switch.

Parents, what would you do?

8 Responses to “My Daughters’ Bedroom Dilemna – Parents, What would you do?”

  1. Madeline says:

    I think I would step out of it and let the two of them make a decision and come to you with it. They can learn the lesson of compromise and conflict resolution and you can spare yourself from all the drama. Unless there is some important reason for you to be involved, isn’t it really a situation they can figure out for themselves?

  2. Karisa says:

    Did the girls agree to switch (prior to your younger daughter changing her mind)? Or did you and your husband decide for the girls? If the decission was made by the girls and they agreed, then your younger daughter needs to stand by her agreement of chaning rooms and make the change. If on the other hand, the decission to make the change belonged to you and your husband, then the girls need to stick where they are. Life is hard and making decissions is even harder. However as the girls grow up they need to know their decissions are their word and they need to stand by their word.

  3. Plan B Mom says:

    @Karisa – my older daughter suggested the change and my younger daughter agreed. @Madeline – that is good advice – I am sure the discussion will continue tonight. Side note: the change was suggested at dinner last night, and the decision change was made 2 hours later at bed time. I will keep you posted!

  4. Heidi Bhan says:

    I would make the decision stand, your younger daughter needs to learn that her word is good. She will probably be happier in her cozy room after all. Your older daughter will appreciate you as parents stood by her and your younger daughter will soon appreciate and know that you as parents keep your word too.

  5. That is so sweet. It’s only the first step in their gaining independence. It’s kind of sad and scary-they’re growing up!!

  6. JAG 512 says:

    I also believe that the youngest should have had to stand by her decision. Part of growing up is to be able to weigh the pros and cons of a situation, make a decision, and stand by it. Once she said yes to the new arrangement, it was a done deal. Hopefully they will be able to get back to that state. Maybe the older sister could involve the younger one in redecorating their rooms since they will both have their own? They could go shopping together at PBKids/Teens or wherever to BOTH be excited about the change. And maybe big sister could have sleepovers with her younger sibling in the bigger room from time to time. I hope this is the worst that comes between them in life! :-) Hope to see you in Austin for SXSW!

  7. Lori Carlisle says:

    First i would make sure that your youngest daughter didnt change her mind because she dosent want a room to her self. But also she has to be taught to stick to her agreements. and remind her that her room will seem bigger without all of her sisters stuff in there too

  8. lilmamaevans says:

    If it was me I would also make them stand by the original decision, but because I am the softer parent and want everyone happy I would maybe do some new paint in the smaller bedroom of the youngest choice or do something that she would want in there to help he feel more comfortable.

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